Gwen Stefani learnt origami.
She created herself a paper bed
And folded herself up to rest her head.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Sting joined the actual police.
He was assigned a desk job
And unexpectedly flourished in the role.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Theresa May
Dreamt she was Prime Minister for the day.
She woke up screaming.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

T-Pain loved his name.
Mostly because he loved tea.
And pain.
When the two came together,
That was his favourite.
Often, he’d neck a boiling fresh brew
Just for the craic.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Ian McShane missed being Lovejoy
So decided to become a real-life antiques dealer.
Much like his character, he was
“A bit of a rogue” in the antiques world.
Unfortunately, unlike his character,
He wasn’t a “likeable” rogue
And would regularly intimidate
Little old folk at car boot sales with his fists
To take their ornaments
And VHS box sets of Friends
For next to nothing.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Naomi Watts loved tying knots.
She tied up everything she saw
And plonked it in a box.
Like her tops, her jeans, her pants and her socks.
It was a unique hobby,
One she loved very much,
But it was hard to live her life
Because, well, she’d ruined all her stuff.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

On a recent trip to England
Meat Loaf changed his name to Malt Loaf.
“It was a no brainer,” he told the press.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Will Self
Filled his shelf
With every book he’d ever written.

He’d kiss them all at night
Before switching off the light
And purring like a smitten little kitten.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Will Smith
Bought crisps and dip
And enjoyed a quiet night at home.
He always found those moments
Hugely humbling and important,
And enjoyed the chance
To bathe in some money, alone.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Jack Dee felt funny.
Not funny “haha”
But funny in his tummy.
He went to the toilet
In case it was a wee,
But it wasn’t.
It was a poo,
Obviously.

© Carl Burkitt 2018