1. Hushed Body Language
2. Quivering Lip
3. Have Another Sip
4. Hiding Behind The Menu
5. Just Keep Sipping
6. Pretend It’s Not Real
7. Glaring At Staring Strangers
8. Sip Sip Sip
9. Thousand Mile Stare
10. I Ain’t Crying For You
11. Watching You Leave
12. Crying For You
13. Trash The Joint
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Tim Burton
Put a shirt on
But couldn’t be bothered with pants.
He looked obscene,
I’m sure you’d agree,
And his arse got covered in ants.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Dave Chappelle
Thought ‘what the hell!’
And threw caution to the wind.
He guzzled full fat milk
And binned the semi skimmed.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Famous basketball player
Seth Curry,
Believe it or not,
Did NOT enjoy a korma.
I know, right?
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Back away with your Coco Plops
Jog on with your Wee-Weetos
I want me some Rice Creepies
Begone with your Sugar Guffs
On your bike with your Corn Fakes
I want me some Rice Creepies
Please leave with your Dreaded Wheat
Get out of town with your Unspecial K
I want me some Rice Creepies
Just give me that sneaky Snap
Just give me that cheeky Crackle
Just give me that peeping Pop
Just give me that peculiar three
Because I want me some Rice Creepies
© Carl Burkitt 2019
You’ll like olives when you’re older.
That’s what they told me.
And they weren’t wrong.
Sadly, it often works
the other way around
when it comes to human beings.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
We don’t lick ladybirds,
that’s not what we do.
We giggle at them lots,
smile at their spots
and count their wings, one-two.
We don’t lick ladybirds,
that’s not what we do.
We hold them in our palms,
see if they have legs or arms
and wonder from where they flew.
We don’t lick ladybirds,
that’s not what we do.
We sing songs about them,
write poems about them,
then you lick them anyway
cos you’re only 2.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
James Corden
Was bored on the toilet
So started playing with things in the room.
It was all going well
Until he reached for shower gel,
Slipped and got covered in poo.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Usain Bolt
Did everything quickly.
Yep, EVERYTHING.
His dentist was not happy.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Amy Adams
Loved national anthems
So much she wrote one for herself.
It went:
“I am Amy and I am a country
And I quite like eating sandwiches.”
She wasn’t a great writer.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Carl tells tales 