Meg Ryan fed a lion
A veg pie and
He bit her hand off.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ant McPartlin
Held a fart in
For 27 months.
It was a ridiculous bet
He made with Dec
And destroyed
His anus and tum.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Danny DeVito said his
Favourite animal was the Cheeto.
Nobody had the heart
To tell him.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Gemma Atkinson
Grabbed a bat and some booze
And skipped to the park.
What started out as a laugh,
Very quickly turned dark
As she got nicked
For destroying an ancient oak’s bark
(And calling a toddler a “fucking wanker.”)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jimmy Choo had several ideas
For a few new styles of shoes.
Some had smoky bacon laces,
Some looked like lizard faces.
Some tasted like pecan pie,
Some smelt of the devil’s eye.
They were quite bizarre, that is true,
But what do you expect from old Jimmy Choo?

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Prince Charles
Felt like a royal idiot.
He hadn’t done anything stupid,
He just had a very,
Very low self-esteem.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Whoopi Goldberg
Was thinking of a word.
It was a good word.
A funny word.
An absurd word.
A very, very rude word.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Neil Young
Only ate frozen fish.
He liked saving
His cash, you see.

© Carl Burkitt 2019