Cornwall. 30th June 2014. 17.10pm – 10 minutes after kick off.
Barbara, 96, and Hazel, 94, are sat on the sofa watching the France vs Nigeria game.
Hazel turns to Barbara.
HAZEL: Ever been to Nigeria?
BARBARA: Years ago.
HAZEL: Like it?
BARBARA: Was horrible.
BARBARA: No food.
BARBARA: Full of people dancing about muttering nonsense.
BARBARA: Always raining.
BARBARA: Too many kids.
BARBARA: Bit of a shit hole, actually.
HAZEL: Oh wow, OK. I thought it was wonderful. Such a diverse country offering a look into a completely different way of life compared to our-
BARBARA: Butlins isn’t a country.
BARBARA: You asked me if I’ve been to Butlins.
HAZEL: I asked if you’ve been to Nigeria.
BARBARA: Oh. No.
Hazel looks at Barbara.
BARBARA: Butlins is shit.
© Carl Burkitt 2014