Cornwall. 30th June 2014. 17.10pm – 10 minutes after kick off.

Barbara, 96, and Hazel, 94, are sat on the sofa watching the France vs Nigeria game.

Hazel turns to Barbara.

HAZEL: Ever been to Nigeria?

BARBARA: Yeah.

HAZEL: Really?

BARBARA: Yeah.

HAZEL: When?

BARBARA: Years ago.

HAZEL: Like it?

BARBARA: Was horrible.

HAZEL: What?

BARBARA: No food.

HAZEL: Well-

BARBARA: Full of people dancing about muttering nonsense.

HAZEL: Right-

BARBARA: Always raining.

HAZEL: Raining?-

BARBARA: Too many kids.

HAZEL: I-

BARBARA: Bit of a shit hole, actually.

HAZEL: Oh wow, OK. I thought it was wonderful. Such a diverse country offering a look into a completely different way of life compared to our-

BARBARA: Country?

HAZEL: What?

BARBARA: Butlins isn’t a country.

HAZEL: Butlins?

BARBARA: You asked me if I’ve been to Butlins.

HAZEL: I asked if you’ve been to Nigeria.

BARBARA: Oh. No.

Hazel looks at Barbara.

BARBARA: Butlins is shit.

© Carl Burkitt 2014