Cornwall. 20th June 2014. 17.00pm – Kick off.
Hazel, 94, is sat on the sofa. Barbara, 96, walks into the living room and places, on the coffee table, a massive plate of carbonara, a bowl of pesto pasta, a dish of lasagne, a plate of bolognese, three large pizzas and two sticks of garlic bread.
HAZEL: Jesus Christ, Barbara. That’s a lot of food for just us two.
Barbara takes a mouthful of carbonara.
BARBARA: It’s not for us. It’s for me.
Barbara has a bite of pepperoni pizza.
HAZEL: Blimey. Why’ve you got so much?!
Barbara spoons bolognese and a slice of garlic bread into her mouth.
BARBARA: Carb-loading, ain’t I?
Barbara eats a fist of pesto pasta.
HAZEL: For what?
Barbara shoves more pizza in her gob.
HAZEL: What are you carb-loading for?
Barbara scoops lasagne up with garlic bread.
HAZEL: What do you mean you don’t know?
Barbara rolls a slice of pizza up in a ball and chews on it.
BARBARA: Just heard it’s good to do.
Barbara shoves more pesto pasta in.
HAZEL: Jesus. Yeah it’s good if you’re planning an endurance event in a few days.
Barbara bites the lasagne.
HAZEL: It helps increase your energy. Seriously, you should stop-
BARBARA: I could beat you in a race.
BARBARA: Let’s go, right now.
HAZEL: Don’t be stup-
Barbara takes a fork full of carbonara and slowly slides it in her mouth, winking at Hazel.
HAZEL: Let’s do this.
Hazel and Barbara walk out to their back garden.
HAZEL: First one to the fence and back.
HAZEL: On your marks.
Barbara sucks up some spaghetti.
HAZEL: Get set.
Barbara pops a portion of garlic bread in her mouth.
Barbara vomits all over Hazel’s back.
© Carl Burkitt 2014