Italy vs Costa Rica (Group D)

Cornwall. 20th June 2014. 17.00pm – Kick off.

Hazel, 94, is sat on the sofa. Barbara, 96, walks into the living room and places, on the coffee table, a massive plate of carbonara, a bowl of pesto pasta, a dish of lasagne, a plate of bolognese, three large pizzas and two sticks of garlic bread.

HAZEL: Jesus Christ, Barbara. That’s a lot of food for just us two.

Barbara takes a mouthful of carbonara.

BARBARA: It’s not for us. It’s for me.

Barbara has a bite of pepperoni pizza.

HAZEL: Blimey. Why’ve you got so much?!

Barbara spoons bolognese and a slice of garlic bread into her mouth.

BARBARA: Carb-loading, ain’t I?

Barbara eats a fist of pesto pasta.

HAZEL: For what?

Barbara shoves more pizza in her gob.


HAZEL: What are you carb-loading for?

Barbara scoops lasagne up with garlic bread.


HAZEL: What do you mean you don’t know?

Barbara rolls a slice of pizza up in a ball and chews on it.

BARBARA: Just heard it’s good to do.

Barbara shoves more pesto pasta in.

HAZEL: Jesus. Yeah it’s good if you’re planning an endurance event in a few days.

Barbara bites the lasagne.


HAZEL: It helps increase your energy. Seriously, you should stop-

BARBARA: I could beat you in a race.


BARBARA: Let’s go, right now.

HAZEL: Don’t be stup-

BARBARA: Scared?

Barbara takes a fork full of carbonara and slowly slides it in her mouth, winking at Hazel.

HAZEL: Let’s do this.

Hazel and Barbara walk out to their back garden.

HAZEL: First one to the fence and back.

Barbara nods.

HAZEL: On your marks.

Barbara sucks up some spaghetti.

HAZEL: Get set.

Barbara pops a portion of garlic bread in her mouth.


Barbara vomits all over Hazel’s back.

© Carl Burkitt 2014

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