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Tag Archives: No.9

Day off

Posted on January 5, 2014 by carltellstales

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Heston Blumenthal made himself a
cheddar cheese sandwich.

Posted in #2014tales, Poems | Tagged No.9 | Leave a reply

Stuff I done wrote

Mr Burkitt
James Morrison
The bravest boy in the whole wide world
Mr Big Stuff by Jean Knight
High on the M62
Remind us that we exist
Dehumidifier
The retired lollipop man
Thrilled to show his date
Woolly hat ears
The arms of the plane spotter
To be the best
The head of an old man
A Christmas miracle
Host Number 50
The enthusiast
Happy Birthday
To be good at small talk
The owner of my Post Office
Half day working from home
Rabbitfish
Secret
For years
A poem about the sea
An autumn poem
The seal and the hot chocolate
The depths
The day
The right thing
Shrugs
My friend Lewis says poetry should be entertaining
10 Things My Son Has Taught Me About Parenting
Ten years
Not all thoughts on a train are poems
Business
My son might write poems one day
Free
Practicing
Hips
Anything but
They say to think of a better word than ‘love’ when writing a poem about love
Try
Listening in on a long-term marriage in the pub
Regular
The umbrella
The frog
A natty tuxedo
Today I miss everyone who has made me feel
You Give Me
A Short Play About William Wonker
In control
Eating ice creams waiting for a thunderstorm to arrive
A Short Play About Postman Paul
Poo on the playground
A Short Play About Simon
But I can see
A home I imagined watching TV
Writing a poem is easy
The daffodils arrive
A word-for-word transcript of a lady in the pub next to me (I don’t care if you don’t believe me I asked her if I could share it)
Modern advert
Life rafts
A Short Play About Dean and Mary Berry
A Short Play About Jerry
A Short Play About Mink and Florg
A Short Play About Reginald
I wouldn’t say this is a poem
We will not need to worry
Hands
A Short Play About The People Doing Yoga
A Short Play About a Gardener
A Short Play About The Butterfly
A Short Play About Lonely Lenny
A Short Play About Devon and Cornwall
A Short Play About The Swimmer
A Short Play About A Slug
A Short Play About The Prince
A Short Play About Darius
A Short Play About Micky’s Pig
A Short Play About Pete
A Short Play About a Man and a Man Who Looks Just Like Him
A Short Play About Jeremiah
A Short Play About a Pole Vaulter
A Short Play About Moe
Sonder
Enouement
Frustration Appears
I Am On A Bus and I Can See a Man Through the Window About to Pick Up His Dog’s Poo But There’s a Hole in the Bottom of the Bag and Now We’ve Driven Away Forever
Liberosis
Covered in Honey
There Was a Bloke
Hypothetically, in the Mirror
No one will ever believe me but the chocolate eclair in Asda had eyes and was staring at me
Denial
Real is a Chance
“Hot Cross Mum”
If I Had the Guts
The Push of Brabant
Natural Pronoia
The Warm Glow of the Seven Seas
Suspicion
Carefree
In a huff
Vengefulness
Gladsomeness
Dolce far niente
Welcome, boy
Working with tools
Dread
Envy
Scrunch me up
The Selfish Child
The Collywobbles
I cannot drive so I have only ever sat in other people’s road rage
A Short Play About Jenny and Yoda
A Short Play About Barry Big Bum
A Short Play About Billy, Goat and Gruff
A Short Play About The Badger
A Short Play About Darcy Ding Dong
A Short Play About Mont Gomery Montgomery
A Short Play About Mary and Marvin
A Short Play About The Baby
A Short Play About Stanley and Suzanne
A Short Play About Parker
A Short Play About The Magician
A Short Play About Michelin Star John and I’m Better Than You Paul
A Short Play About A Very Small Man
A Short Play About A Fish
“I eat my tea alone all the time”
Reminding my senses
Who is responsible
Head chef
Fire drill in Asda
I just waved
A Short Play About Tiny Terry
The sea
A Short Play About Michael And Mike
A Short Play About Larry And His Lamp
A Short Play About The Runner
Drowning
New
A Short Play About Pancake And Simon
If we walk
A Short Play About A Horse And A Bar
A Short Play About A Very Silly Boy
A Short Play About Jeremy’s Pen
A Short Play About Dan, Tina and That Cloud
All of this is yours
John McGovern
A Short Play About Tulip and Lily
His thoughts
A Short Play About The Moon and Dave
Fine
A Short Play About Teapot and Jack
A Short Play About Darren’s Chip Shop
A Short Play About Jarrod and Jelly
A Short Play About A Tree and Dave
A Short Play About William and The Window
A Short Play About Baby and Baby’s Parent
A Short Play About The Boss and The Boss’s Boss
Give me
A Short Play About Babs And The Dust
A Short Play About Mary And Mary’s Imaginary Friend
A Short Play About Mr Teabag And Betty
A Short Play About Sally And Salli
A Short Play About Ricky and Ricky’s Reflection
Every day
The Salad Lady
A Short Play About Kev and Malc
The day the future died
A Short Play About Georgina and Georgie
A Short Play About Dusty and Devine
A Short Play About Mike Memory and Common-Sense Callum
Pins and noodles
A Short Play About Jeff and Sue
It would break my son’s heart if he saw me
A Short Play About Shirley and Bob. Just Bob
A Short Play About Rufus and Tiffany
A Short Play About Dot and Pippa
A Short Play About Briscoe and Brandy
A Short Play About Izzy and Max
The blueberries
A Short Play About The Martian and Susan
A Short Play About Cornelius and Cranberry
A poem written by a trampoline
A Short Play About Fine and Dandy
A Short Play About Patricia and Rahul
A Short Play About Lacey and Chanel
A Short Play About Bradley and Joelle
A Short Play About Edith and Harold
A Short Play About Jeff and Sue
A Short Play About Siobhan and Denny
A Short Play About Rose and Marlon
A Short Play About Doug and A Man Who Doesn’t Like Doug
A Short Play About Harper
A Short Play About Plank and Lily
A Short Play About Nia and Forgetful Francis
A Short Play About Dot and Pippa
A Short Play About Mia and Emz
A Short Play About Ben? And Claire?
A Short Play About Doug and A Man Who Doesn’t Like Doug
Someone’s gonna get hurt
The grown ups
New Year’s Day is
Boxing Day is
Christmas is
On Glitter
On Mince Pies
On Christmas Tree Pines
On Cinnamon
On Candy Canes
The men are fixing a leak in my kitchen ceiling while I’m off to write poems in Preston
Professional
Thinking about kitchens
Surely
Leaf
Hat trick
It’s only a trip to the park after school
Scuff resistant shoes
That limo
A Short Play About Harvey and Bernice
A Short Play About Cat, His Cat and Kat
A Short Play About Nancy and Tina
A Short Play About Ava and Agent F19
A Short Play About Shelley and Markf
A Short Play About Swanky Carmichael and Bart Bojangles
A Short Play About Suzie and The Ghost
A Short Play About Barbara and June
A Short Play About Speedy and 50p Head
A Short Play About Doug and A Man Who Doesn’t Like Doug
A Short Play About Llewellyn and Lilian
A Short Play About Bianca and Jeremy
A Short Play About Stewart and Polly
A Short Play About Joshua and Louise
A Short Play About Millie and Amanda
A Short Play About Dusty Fist and The Butcher’s Son
A Short Play About Maark and Mum
Repeat Pete
A Short Play About Sandra and Eric
A Short Play About Henry The Farmer and Alexander
Champion
A Short Play About Pat and Geraldine
Love
A Short Play About Julia and The Ghost
A Short Play About Lucas and Keith
Readjusting his watch
A Short Play About Wally
Growing up
A Short Play About Carmella and The Absolute Worst
Things I can see on the 368 bus
Morning space exploration
Summer holiday for the lollipop man
Hot chocolate and prawn sandwiches
The Red Arrows
A poem written on a foggy morning
The boredom of sad news
Before you
A one trillion day
Lunchtime read
The moon is not
Ace
I will write you a poem one day
The lads
Amateur archers
Watercolour
Getting back to sleep after an early morning wee
A poem to my 17 year old self
Both
Focus
Friendspotter
Ah Bugger It, I’ll Get a Curly Fries From Across the Road on the Walk Back, I’ve Got Some Bread and Butter at Home for a Good Chip Barm
When he’s cleaning windows
So handsome
Without him
Finance apps
Across his bedroom floor
Rocks built to trample
Writer’s block
Buzz
Woke up this mornin’
Conversation: One and a half stars
Same house, different body
Mindfulness
His phone died this morning
An afternoon swim in his mind
That will catch my attention
Don’t care
Bust my buffers
Festival toilets
Stick to Football
“Mummy, this is sad music”
Mozzarella the Ciabatta
Your name
Difference
The cafe window
Heatwave
Three simple moves
A poem for the window of the pub
The London pigeon
Rescue
When I’m struggling for ideas
Good news
Aubergine emoji
Shopmaker
Acrostic
Patience
Four presents
Write
In the real world
Party
School trip
He’s walking through the wedding holding a pork sausage in his hand
Annoying
Pesto pasta
How are things?
Big boy
Gym buddies
Penalty
Holiday
3.25am
Chest hair
Plans
Life on a grain of rice
She’s only human
The sleeping whirlpool
Hopscotch
Sometimes poems are just facts
Part Time Job
Looking for something to say
Usher
Like riding a bike
Goodbye
Crumbs
and I don’t even know his name
A Few Years In The Early 2010s
We’re Talking About Our Dreams From Last Night
Boots Crunching
They Will Say
The Great Fall
Strangers
Teen Spirit
The Noodle
U ❤️ LDN
It’s In There Somewhere
Finisher
You Take My Hand
You, My Son, Are a Northerner
Living In The Top Floor Flat
A Scale of the Man
He Who Will Be King

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