Cornwall. 19th June 2014. 7.45pm – 15 minutes before kick off.

Hazel, 94, and Barbara, 96, are walking to the living room from the kitchen. Barbara is incredibly excited about the England game.

BARBARA: OHMYGODICAN’TWAIT

HAZEL: OK, OK, calm down.

BARBARA: Sorry! Sorry.

HAZEL: It’s OK.

BARBARA: Wanna hear a joke? A football joke?

HAZEL: Sure.

BARBARA: Knock knock

HAZEL: Who’s there?

BARBARA: Coleen Rooney.

HAZEL: Coleen Rooney wh-

Barbara kicks Hazel to the ground.

BARBARA: COME ON ENGLAND, COME ON ENGLAND, COME ON ENGLAND!

© Carl Burkitt 2014