He went in for the kiss.
He missed.
His lips hit the radiator
and set on fire.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Malcolm climb into a wine glass.
His wife poured Sauvignon blanc over him
As he remembered why he loved her.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Gen wanted to feel better about herself,
So she made herself a cup of green tea.
She held the warm mug in both of her palms
Before silently pouring it over her boss’s keyboard.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

William decided to drink some water.
He drank loads and loads water.
He drank so much water it poured out of all of his holes.
It was quite funny, until he slipped over and drowned.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

The man bought smooth peanut butter instead of chunky peanut butter.
‘She won’t even notice,’ he thought.
A month later, his wife filed for divorce.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

The vegan looked at the ice cream,
It said: “I’m vegan.”
So the vegan ate it.

The vegan looked at the cake,
It said: “I’m vegan.”
So the vegan ate it.

The vegan looked at the burger,
It said: “I’m vegan.”
So the vegan at it.

The vegan looked at his reflection,
It said: “I’m vegan.”
So the vegan ate himself.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Parker’s teeth fell out.
It wasn’t painful
because they fell out of his pocket
not his mouth.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

The problem with Jerry’s feet
is that they weren’t long enough.
Not for what he had planned,
anyway.

© Carl Burkitt 2018