Gary Oldman
Ate some old ham.
It was fine…
Until the next day…
Oh, man.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Actor Steve McFadden
Loved playing the character of Phil Mitchell
On the soap opera Eastenders so much
He changed his real name to Phil Mitchell.
To avoid confusion, the shows producers
Changed the character of Phil Mitchell’s name
To Steve McFadden.
Unfortunately it didn’t go down well with the fans
So they killed off the character of Steve McFadden.
This made Phil Mitchell very sad.
Very sad indeed.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Bruce Willis
Broke his pelvis.
“Hippie-ki-yay, motherfucker!” he laughed,
Off his face on morphine.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Queen Latifah
Invented the Quaver.
Well, that’s what she put
On her profile for Tinder.
(Worked pretty well.)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Rob Lowe
Turned into a crow.
He flew high and low,
To and fro,
Plopping on those below.
It wasn’t a bad day,
As Mondays go.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Theo Walcott
Ate a walnut.
It was
Above average.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

will.i.am
ate.some.ham
with.his.nan
in.ja.pan.

it.was.grand.

© Carl Burkitt 2019