Alec Baldwin went for a swim,
But the tide was out.
So he sat and waited
For the tide to come in.
He waited and waited
And waited and waited
For nearly 15 days,
Until he realised
He was sat by an old
Empty swimming pool
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Charlie took a relaxing bubble bath in a tub of chocolate mousse. He ran his fingers through the smooth, milky delight. He rubbed the peaceful pudding over both his bum and face cheeks, before sheepishly texting his evening’s date to cancel.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2019 – a poem a day celebrating an interesting US national day.
Linford Christie
Had a wee so powerful
It travelled around a 400 metre race track
In 100 metre spurts,
Like a relay.
It was very, very odd.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Fiona collected ferrets for as long as she could remember. Long ones, short ones, thin ones, chubby ones, alive ones, dead ones, stuffed ones, porcelain ones. She collected the lot. For years she never quite knew why she collect ferrets, until one day everything just fell into place. The press labelled it Ferret Day! And the city was never the same again…
© Carl Burkitt 2019
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2019 – a poem a day celebrating an interesting US national day.
Phillip Schofield
Did a poo on the sofa
Of This Morning.
It was 11.15pm
And he was off his face
On Kahlúa.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Keen to impress his colleagues,
Simon made a delicious batch of sourdough bread.
With each mouthful, everyone warmed to him.
They started giving him funny nicknames
like BREAD MAN and CRUMB KING and
STOP TRYING TO BRIBE ME AND GET BETTER
AT YOUR JOB YOU FUCK.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2019 – a poem a day celebrating an interesting US national day.
1. Dribble Me This
2. Old Red Eyes
3. Swollen Gland(s)
4. I Got a Fever!
5. You Give Me the Chills
6. You Give Me the Sweats
7. Aching Muscle(s)
8. She Flu in Through the Window
9. Sick Chick
10. Pretty Common
11. Let Me Be Your Headache
12. So Infectious
13. It Snot You It’s Me
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Ewan McGregor
Used a feather
To float up to the sky.
He went straight up
Until the air went thin
And felt really bloody high.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Celine Dion
Translated her songs
Into Klingon.
They were alright
But didn’t half go
On and on.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
Carl tells tales 