Kristen Bell thought
‘What the hell!’
And moved the r
From before the i
To after it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Angela Merkel
Bought a turtle
And called it
“I’m too busy to name a bloody pet”
Which, while accurate,
Was a bit hurtful.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Gareth Bale
Enjoyed being from Wales
And loved saying stuff like:
“I’m Gareth Bale from Wales.”
Or “I’m from Wales, I’m Gareth Bale.”
Or “I’m Gareth Wales from Bale.”
Or “I’m Welsh, call me Gareth Belsh.”
Gareth Bale
Really enjoyed being from Wales.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Scott Foley,
You know, that bloke
Whose first role was in Sweet Valley High
And whose breakthrough performance
Was in Felicity as Noel Crane
And had recurring guest appearances in
Scrubs and Dawson’s Creek and was nominated for a
Teen Choice Award for Choice Movie Villain
For his role in Scream 3
And appeared in both Grey’s Anatomy and House
Then Scandal, which led to a place on the regular cast,
Then became the lead in ABC’s drama Whiskey Cavalier
And even transitioned into directing.
Yeah? You know him? Scott Foley.
He shat himself.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Conor McGregor
Was under the weather,
But determined to beat his cold.
He strapped on his fighting boots,
His punching gloves
And smashed in his clogged up nose.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Patrick Stewart
Knew it wasn’t going to be easy
Travelling through space
At his age.
So he didn’t bother.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Patrick Stewart
New it wasn’t going to be easy
Travelling through space
At his age.
So he didn’t bother.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Brock Lesnar
Trialed the name
Choc Lesnar.
UFC and WWE opponents
Were less scared to fight him
But he didn’t care,
He’d eventually laugh over their defeated bodies
And scoff one of his many, many
Endorsement Dairy Milks.

© Carl Burkitt 2019