Chelsea footballer,
Ross Barkley,
Got a job at
Barclays Bank.
He didn’t earn as much
As he did in his old job,
But he certainly didn’t
Stop slide tackling people
Every Saturday afternoon.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jeff Bridges loved crisps with ridges.
Deep ones. Long ones.
Proper dusty flavoured ones.
The kind that made his nose twitch,
His eyes widen, his tongue dance,
His tastebuds paint a picture of simpler times –
A time of climbing trees, jumping in puddles,
Making mistakes and learning from them,
Nuanced debate, helping out your neighbour,
Singing in the bath, smiling at strangers.
Jeff Bridges loved crisps with ridges
(But not shitty cheese and onion ones. Yuck!)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ozzy Osbourne
Loved Marmy Marmite
On burny burnt toast
In the morny morning.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Nelly Furtado perched in a tree,
Swallowed a worm and shat
On the head of a passerby.
Told ya, she said.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Zoë Kravitz
Named all her rabbits
Lenny. It was how she coped.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Gary Lineker
Poured vinegar into each ear
And sang, in a high-pitched squeal,
I’m a crisp, a crisp,
A big, fat, tasty crisp.
As soon as the director yelled, Cut!,
Gary sprinted to his trailer
And over-head kicked some prawn cocktail
Across the room into his son’s gob.

© Carl Burkitt 2019