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Category Archives: Teeny tiny tales

In 2012 The Guardian challenged authors to write a novel in 140 characters or less. I gave it a go and have continued to churn some out every now and then…

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Bad workmen

Posted on February 15, 2016 by carltellstales
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Ronnie O’Sullivan forgot his cue,
so blew the balls into the pockets.

He got a break of 89.

Not bad.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

Posted in Teeny tiny tales | Leave a reply

Revenant

Posted on January 12, 2016 by carltellstales
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Leonardo DiCaprio finally won an Oscar. The year was 2213 and he looked terrible.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

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January diet

Posted on January 4, 2016 by carltellstales
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Noddy Holder climbed back into his cave,
Nibbling on his royalties.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

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Dedication

Posted on January 3, 2016 by carltellstales
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The paperboy forgot his papers so whispered the news through every letterbox. It took 4 weeks and he didn’t get laid once.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

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Work ethic

Posted on January 3, 2016 by carltellstales
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The lazy man wrote a story. It had a beginning and a middle.

© Carl Burkitt 2016

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Neighbour from hell

Posted on October 18, 2015 by carltellstales
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The block of flats was silent.

Josh farted.

64 lights flicked on and at least three texts were drafted.

© Carl Burkitt 2015

Posted in Poems, Teeny tiny tales | Leave a reply

Not fussy

Posted on September 8, 2015 by carltellstales
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The tattoo artist tattooed a girlfriend on his arm.

‘Hmm,’ he thought. ‘I always imagined I’d end up with a blonde.’

© Carl Burkitt 2015

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Truth behind the tale

Posted on August 11, 2015 by carltellstales
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“Nice outfit,” smiled Mr Twit.

“Fuck you,” said Mrs Twit, as they entered the divorce court.

© Carl Burkitt 2015

642 Challenge: “Nice outfit…”

Posted in 642 challenge, Teeny tiny tales | Leave a reply

It’s only a game, so

Posted on July 30, 2015 by carltellstales
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John Virgo poked his peas sporadically around his plate and sighed about the ‘good old days’.

© Carl Burkitt 2015

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The saddest text message in the world

Posted on June 29, 2015 by carltellstales
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I love you 😦

© Carl Burkitt 2015

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Stuff I done wrote

  • Reboot
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 16: REBOOT
  • Half time
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 15: HALF TIME
  • Welcome to Pig Town
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 14: NO PLACE LIKE HOME
  • At first sight
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 13: MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT
  • Behind this door
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 12: WHO LIVES IN A HOUSE LIKE THIS?
  • Face
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 11: TEXT SEARCH
  • wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Sainsbury
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 10: STRANGERPEDIA
  • Ingredients of a Mercedes apprentice
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 9: INGREDIENTS OF YOU
  • Contacts
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 8: REPEAT AND DELETE
  • Knees in the shower
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 7: A WORD AND ITS MATES
  • An apology to Jake Humphrey
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 6: CELEBRITY FALL OUT
  • Tall tales
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 5: TALL TALES
  • Q & A
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 4: NICE TO MEET ME
  • The Grumpy Trilby
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 3: THE FROG AND PIGLET
  • Rocking chair
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 2: SEXY SAUCEPAN
  • Tiny dancer
  • #NaPoWriMo Writing Exercise 1: DREAM JOB
  • Posture
  • Untitled by Michael Rosen
  • Tuner
  • Things I’m not allowed to think
  • Lower yourself, forgetting all your standards
  • Track
  • My shit
  • Cheese
  • Rough
  • Line of Duty
  • 18
  • Come on
  • You will shrug
  • No windows
  • One day
  • Mates
  • It was
  • Summary
  • The Prestige
  • Temperamental
  • Follow your lead
  • Dust
  • Release
  • The man on a wooden bench by the main road
  • Cucumber
  • We have to
  • We had to
  • We adapt
  • A new flavour of Pringles
  • There they go
  • Double bogey
  • Working on the little details
  • Wind and click, wind and click
  • New postcode
  • Unlikely tag teams
  • Your eyes are blue flavoured bonbons
  • Relentless
  • This Love by Hollie McNish
  • Welcome to Disneyland by Mark Waldron
  • Our best
  • Warmth in nighttime light
  • The man in Sainsbury’s bought fourteen 1kg bags of carrots
  • Stake out
  • Baggage
  • 0.3 chicken tikkas
  • A Weekend Diary by John Hegley
  • What else
  • Thick
  • There’s a new tooth in the house
  • When?
  • My baby has never said a bad word in his life
  • Buffet Bobby
  • World class
  • So A Mess, Then by Erin Bolens
  • Creating space
  • Beginnings
  • Bloody hell
  • You suck
  • What the grass was hiding
  • Litter?
  • Crying at the sign off of a video conference
  • The sweeper
  • A spelling of spuds by John Hegley
  • I could be a wrestler
  • Business
  • A gust of wind opened and closed our garden gate
  • Nothing back
  • 8pm postman
  • Spine
  • In the bag
  • Hull Hath No Fury Like A Poet Scorned by Dean Wilson
  • Trooper
  • Let’s have a bash at a snow poem
  • What do you want for your child?
  • You’re not coming in
  • These days
  • Teef
  • Show me how it’s done
  • Totting up
  • Composition by Brian Bilston
  • Private land
  • Bloody hell
  • Having a suddenly urgent, and surprisingly vocal, wee in a public toilet
  • The people who stare at stars
  • 8:00 AM
  • Bullet point personality
  • Force
  • Sarah
  • Company by Tim Key
  • Sunday roast
  • There’s a cup of tea sitting on my desk teasing me with energy and warmth
  • Missing the point
  • There you are again
  • Good morning
  • There you go
  • Fight
  • Deep Blue Sea by Louis Jenkins
  • Sunday
  • Ending
  • Hello, little chin
  • Aliens by Tim Key
  • Where am I?
  • Trying new things
  • Detective duos I could be a part of
  • What is it for you?
  • Boring
  • Things a baby who has been fed and changed and had a good nap might still be crying about but we’ll never really know
  • I bet
  • Staring at a painting I’ve never really looked at before
  • Just a game
  • Punny
  • If I was an animal
  • Christmas Poetry by John Hegley
  • Moon poem
  • Summer Stage
  • To be honest
  • Smile
  • My hand

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