Bill bought a couple of beavers. He had a huge gardening job on his hands and was bang out of ideas.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2019 – a poem a day celebrating an interesting US national day.
Paul had a pillow fight. Alone. It was dead sexy.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2019 – a poem a day celebrating an interesting US national day.
Struggling with a cold, Victor dosed himself up on orange juice. He poured some in every hole. Mouth, nose, ears, bum, everywhere. It didn’t help, at all actually, if anything it made him feel a lot worse. But it did give his mum something to write about him in the family’s Christmas newsletter, at last.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2019 – a poem a day celebrating an interesting US national day.
Charlie took a relaxing bubble bath in a tub of chocolate mousse. He ran his fingers through the smooth, milky delight. He rubbed the peaceful pudding over both his bum and face cheeks, before sheepishly texting his evening’s date to cancel.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2019 – a poem a day celebrating an interesting US national day.
Fiona collected ferrets for as long as she could remember. Long ones, short ones, thin ones, chubby ones, alive ones, dead ones, stuffed ones, porcelain ones. She collected the lot. For years she never quite knew why she collect ferrets, until one day everything just fell into place. The press labelled it Ferret Day! And the city was never the same again…
© Carl Burkitt 2019
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2019 – a poem a day celebrating an interesting US national day.
Keen to impress his colleagues,
Simon made a delicious batch of sourdough bread.
With each mouthful, everyone warmed to him.
They started giving him funny nicknames
like BREAD MAN and CRUMB KING and
STOP TRYING TO BRIBE ME AND GET BETTER
AT YOUR JOB YOU FUCK.
© Carl Burkitt 2019
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2019 – a poem a day celebrating an interesting US national day.
Kirsten Dunst
Spent all her Bunse
On an overly lavish
Disgusting brunch.
Liquid prawns
On Monster Munch
With sour snails
For extra crunch.
She gobbled it down
‘Til way after lunch
And then was sick,
Obviously.
© Carl Burkitt 2018
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.
Michelle Pfeiffer quit being an pactor
And decided to become a pwriter.
But she wasn’t very good.
She kept putting a P in front of every pnoun.
Other pjournalists called her a pclown,
So she took them to pcourt for defamation.
But her plawyer said:
‘Don’t bother, you don’t have a pleg to stand on’.
© Carl Burkitt 2018
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.
Jessica Alba
Made some Melba toast.
She didn’t like to boast,
But it was drier, crispier and thinner than most.
She didn’t share it.
She at it all.
In one go.
Right down her gob hole.
She was a terrible host.
© Carl Burkitt 2018
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.
Sally Hawkins was in Paddington Station dressed as a grizzly bear.
She growled and chased passengers and chewed on their footwear.
‘Are you OK?’ asked a stranger, wth tenderness and care,
‘Of course! Why’d you ask?!’ said Sally, smearing marmalade in her hair.
© Carl Burkitt 2018
This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.
Carl tells tales 