Wentworth Miller
Went to dinner
Alone to catch a break.

As played on his phone,
He let out a moan,
And longed for his friends’ ear ache.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Morgan Freeman
Had the day free
So planted a tree, man.
He learnt to ski, man.
He swam in the sea
And ate an ice cream, man.
He cut a key, man.
He threw a Frisbee, man.
He drank some tea,
Had a wee,
Shaved his goatee,
And finally caught up on some sleep, man.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Clint Eastwood
Took off his hood
And let the rain hit his head.

He danced around,
Ate mud off the ground
And slept in a puddle
Instead of his bed.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Steven Gerrard
Thought books were hard.
Not hard as in hard,
Hard as in ‘ard.
Tough. Buff.
You know,
Double ‘ard.
He said:
“I read every day,
It beats exercise in every way.
When books and words are long
They make you strong.
They fill your brain with thoughts
That no muscle can thwart.”
He picked up the nearest book
And smashed his skull with it.
“See,” he said.
“Didn’t even hurt me.”

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Noel and Liam Gallagher
Shared a passionate kiss.
Noel awoke from his gross nightmare
And daydreamed about Oasis.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Kylie Minogue
Made a loaf
And smothered it in butter.

When Dannii asked
“Can I have some?!”
She shoved her in the gutter.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Jamie Oliver
Didn’t bother
Getting naked any more.

He’d cook wearing as much as he could,
Way more than he should,
And would sweat all over the floor.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Helena Bonham Carter
Watched Get Carter
For obvious reasons,
Really.

Then she went Go Karting
Just to do a wheelie.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Ian McKellen
Went to Devon
To get an ice cream.

When offered a Twister
He screamed,
“That shall not pass!”,
For a laugh.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Bob Dylan was alone.
He picked up his guitar
But was all out of ideas.

He searched for inspiration in his room
But all he saw was gloom.

Bob began to cry
And a tear from his right eye
Landed on C.

A tear fell from his left
And landed on B.
Another fell on D.

‘Still got it,’ Bob sniffed,
As he strummed his sad riff.

© Carl Burkitt 2018