Richard Ayoade
Popped on Showaddywaddy,
Slipped off his clothes
And shook his naked body.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Shia LeBeouf
Had had enough.
He sat on the floor
In a right old huff,
Tutting under his breath,
Keeping his mouth shut.
It was a convincing performance,
Better than any of his recent stuff.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Elizabeth Hurley was feeling all surly.
She was snappy and bitey
And well up for a fighty.
She didn’t like her urge to find things to kick
And walls to scale,
Until finally her wiser head prevailed.
She thought: ‘Yeah it’s good to be up,
But it’s natural to sometimes be down,
So rather than force a smile,
I think I’ll embrace today’s little frown’.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Natalie Portman
Bet a sportsman
She’d beat him in a race.

He laughed: “No chance!”
But she was just too fast
And celebrated winning
By gobbing in his face.

Which was a shame, really.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Bonnie Tyler
Grabbed a spider
And tickled all its feet.

It giggled and giggled
And giggled and giggled
Then wrapped her up to eat.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Liam Neeson
Had a threesome:
It was him, a cake,
And some gin.

The whole thing was scrum,
Care-free and fun,
Without a penis ever having to go in.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Paul Giamatti
Felt a bit farty,

So popped some paint in his pants
To make the toots look all arty.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Mark Wahlberg
Hit an iceberg
Whilst sailing in the dark.

He cried:
“This is lame,
I hate my name,
It’d never have happened
If I’d stayed Marky Mark.”

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Angelina Jolie
Turned off her TV
And decided to go see the sea,
In 3D.

So she bought a ticket to a
Screening of The Beach
At a local hip, cool cinema.
It was 2D, unfortunately,
But she wore 3D glasses anyway.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Rafa Nadal
Bought a cow
In the search for something to do.

He served it brunch,
Then served it lunch
And taught it how to moo.

He laughed: “You’re ace!”
Right in its face
And kissed it whenever he felt blue.

© Carl Burkitt 2018