Meryl Streep
Found a sheep
And called it little Oscar.

She picked him up,
Thanked God for her luck,
As the other sheep roared with applause.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Prince William
Grabbed his water gun
And shot Prince Harry in the face.

He forgot to check the chamber
And was annoyed to discover
It wasn’t filled with water,
But the leftovers of his favourite veal paste.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Lionel Richie
Felt a bit itchy.
He scratched his skin
With his fingers
And let his nails linger
Over the bit just above the bum,
The coccyx.
Lionel laughed at that silly word
And scratched it hard until it hurt.
What a feeling.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Paula Abdul
Bought a swimming pool.
It was empty, but that didn’t matter.
She filled it with friends for a natter
And swam in the waves of their
Delightful pitter patter.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Paul McCartney
Washed his face with cheese.
He replaced his eyes with peas
And sewed feces into his dungarees.
Well, he had to do something fun with all his cash,
Didn’t he?

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Venus Williams
Went to Gillingham.
It was alright.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Jurgen Klopp
Did a plop
Filled with tasty Coco Pops.

He stood to wee,
Pissed milk not pee,
So grabbed a spoon
And ate every last drop.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Courtney Cox loved her surname.

“Cox,” she sniggered. “Hehe.”

“Cox!” she chuckled. “Haha.”

“COX!” she laughed. “Hahahaha!”

“IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE SOCKS
AND ROCKS AND DOCKS!” she howled.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Donald Trump
Had a dump
And wiped using really thin tissue.

His right thumb
Slipped up his bum
And he sucked it clean
While pondering the world’s issues.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen
Always shared their things.

Recycling bins, Ryvita thins
And countless drawing pins.
Baked bean tins, jugs of gin
And a love of newspaper spin.

These two twins shared everything
Which made Ashley’s secret hard to keep in.

“Look!” she buckled, opening a bag one day,
“It’s my collection of strangers’ skin!”

“My God!” said Mary-Kate, with a nervous grin,
“I too collect bags of skin!”

The sisters laughed,
Emptied their bags in the bath
And hugged before both dived in.

© Carl Burkitt 2018