Jodie Foster
Had never felt loster,
An imposter,
Like a crab dressed up as a lobster.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Owen Wilson
Put some gloves on
Because he started to feel cold.
But it was warm outside
So panicked he was ill,
Or simply just starting to get old.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Martin Scorsese
Was feeling lazy,
So he invented a new method of directing.
It involved staying at home
And letting other people do it.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Paul Scholes
Found three new moles.
In the garden, I mean,
Not on his skin.
They were pretty dangerous though
When he let them in.
They nibbled the carpets
Destroyed his football boots
And tore up his shins.
Good job he’d already retired, eh?

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Chad Kroeger
Was quite the mover.
Not, as in, a dancer,
But, like, furniture.
Chad Kroeger
Was a really good furniture mover.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Travis Barker
Was a bit of a farter.
He only learnt the drums
To drown out the beat
Coming out of his bum.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Gerard Butler
Played a butler
In a movie called BUTLER.
He killed 67 bad guys
While serving his master dinner on time.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Ryan Gosling
Got himself pregnant.
Fit bastard.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Leonardo DiCaprio
Found a bow and arrow
At the back of one of his yachts.
‘Bloody hell,’ he thought,
‘Amazon shouldn’t let you log in drunk.’

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Tracy Morgan
Rented an organ
For a week when he was bored.
He didn’t play it,
He simply marvelled at it,
The design just really struck a chord.

© Carl Burkitt 2018