Elijah Wood
She thought.
But Elijah didn’t
She cried.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Alan Cumming
Heard a humming
All day, every day.
At first it was horrible,
Distracting and frustrating,
Until eventually
He couldn’t stop strumming
To the tune.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jose Mourinho
Bought a cappuccino
In the middle of the afternoon.
He read the paper
And went for a walk later
Because he really had nothing to do.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Alicia Keys
Broke her knees
After tumbling to the floor.
And from that point on
She was scared of fallin’
That’s for sure.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Neil Diamond wished his surname
Was nominative deterministic,
So he punched his front teeth out,
Cut his big toes off,
Tore his eyeballs out
And replaced them all with diamonds.
He looked awful.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

‘Arjen Robben,’ said footballer Arjen Robben.

‘No, I’m Batman,’ said Batman.

‘What?’

‘I’m Batman’

‘I know…’

‘Then why did you ask if I’m Robin?’

‘I didn’t, I said Arjen Rob- oh, very funny.’

Batman laughed at his own joke for many hours.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

DJ Jazzy Jeff’s
DJ decks were a mess,
He’d forgotten to lick his finger tips
After scoffing a large haddock and chips.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Emma Bunton
Crashed her car front on.
She was fine,
Because of the air bag,
Which made this particular crash
The comfiest crash she’d ever had.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Gary Barlow
Moved to Harlow
(For obvious reasons)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Dolly Parton
Wore her heart on
Her sleeve.
She yelled: “I hate you Steve!”
Sometimes her heart
Wasn’t very nice.

© Carl Burkitt 2019