Oscar Isaac
Spent the day
Introducing himself
As Isaac Oscar,
The cheeky little idiot!

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Things were looking up
For Freddie Prinze Jr.,
Sinze he’d last be seen in feature films.
He’d moved to a secret Provinze,
Ate nothing but minze pies with quinze
And was best mates with ex-footballer Paul Inze.
I’d love to tell you how
This all came about
But his methods would only make you winze.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Bryan Cranston
Only ate pickle by Branston,
Rode trains by Branson,
Sang national anthems
And forked over a ransom
For victims who were handsome.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Shaquille O’Neal
Heard a pig’s squeal
Coming from his lounge.
It was a loud and violent
And disturbing sound
So he just remained under his covers
And tried to get his head down.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Eva Mendes
Felt pretty splendid.
Her day was delightful
Right up until it ended.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

When his Mum called his Dad “Golden Balls”
He was 8 years old.
When his Dad had a skinhead
He was 0 years old.
When his Dad tripped up Diego Simeone
He was -2 years old.
When all his mum wanted was a zigazig ah
He was -4 years old.
When he woke up this morning
Brooklyn Beckham was 19 years old.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ronan Keating
Went on a rollercoaster.
He did NOT enjoy it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jon Bon Jovi
Ate a wonton Jovi
Followed by bonbon Jovi
All while planning
A devious long con Jovi.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Paul Hollywood
Shook his own hand
Over and over and
Over and over and
Over and over and
Over and over and
Over and over and
Over again.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ainsley Harriott
Sprinkled some
Suzie Salt
And Percy Pepper
On his drained self esteem.

Just the trick.

© Carl Burkitt 2019