Louie Spence
Developed a sixth sense,
The sense of suspense.
He couldn’t wait
To find out how to use it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Stewart Lee
Made a joke so clever
Even he didn’t get it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

“How deep is your deep dish?” Derrick demanded. “Deep,” the deep dish delivery dude declared, opening the box. “Damn, that’s pretty darn deep,” Derrick blushed.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2019 – a poem a day celebrating an interesting US national day.

David Blaine sat in a box
Hoisted above the Thames again.
This time no-one swore at him,
Threw things at him,
Or even booed him,
Because this time
No-one gave a single shit –
There were far too many
Other things to worry about.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Alec Baldwin went for a swim,
But the tide was out.
So he sat and waited
For the tide to come in.
He waited and waited
And waited and waited
For nearly 15 days,
Until he realised
He was sat by an old
Empty swimming pool

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Linford Christie
Had a wee so powerful
It travelled around a 400 metre race track
In 100 metre spurts,
Like a relay.
It was very, very odd.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Phillip Schofield
Did a poo on the sofa
Of This Morning.
It was 11.15pm
And he was off his face
On Kahlúa.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ewan McGregor
Used a feather
To float up to the sky.

He went straight up
Until the air went thin
And felt really bloody high.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Celine Dion
Translated her songs
Into Klingon.
They were alright
But didn’t half go
On and on.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Elle Macpherson
Changed her name to Elle Macpiercing
And opened a tattoo and piercings shop.
She called it ELLE’S,
Rendering the whole name change
Absolutely pointless.

© Carl Burkitt 2019