Renee Zellweger
Kept a diary
And no-one cared.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Kelly Clarkson
Bought a jumper with knitted darts on.
Loads and loads of knitted darts.
Too many to be honest.
On the bit between the shoulder blades
Was the number 180
In fluorescent yellow thread.
It was grotesque.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Dev Patel
Fell down a well.
Is was damp and dank
And looked like hell.
But it wasn’t hell
It was a well.
It was definitely a well.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Amber Heard
Everything.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Iggy Pop
Popped some socks on
Both his hands.
He really was
Getting on a bit.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Carmen Electra
Trapped her finger in the door of her car,
Arousing a scream so loud and rhythmic,
Mick Hucknall wrote some
Mediocre lyrics to accompany it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Maria Sharapova
Made a pavlova
And lobbed it in the bin.
She did that
Over and over
And over and over
And over and over again.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

David Tennant
Became an homeowner
And didn’t even change his name.
Boring bugger.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jennifer Garner
Conned a farmer
Into giving up his cows for beans.
She then stacked each one
On top of each other
And climbed up them
Just for fun.
She loved being rich.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Akon trod on an acorn.
Luckily he had some boots on
So it didn’t hurt until he tripped
And chipped a tooth on the dirt.

© Carl Burkitt 2019