Mike Myers
Bought a power drill.
He called it “Austin”.
Haha.
God he was alone.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Eric Cantona
Ate a giant, gloopy bogey.
Of course he did.
More than once probably.
Come on, don’t be naive.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Drew Carey
Loved saying
‘Whose line is it anyway?’
To an empty room.
‘Me? AGAIN?!’ he’d laugh
And swivel in his swivel chair for hours.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Morrissey
Tried to giggle
Hehe
But passed out
And died.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Tom Daley
Made some gravy
And suddenly began to drool.
So he slipped on his trunks,
Smoothed out the last chunks
And dived in to the brown meaty pool.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Louis Theroux,
During an interview,
Threw up on a sofa throw
Due to 47 hours of awkward silence
Since he’d asked his last question.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Andrea Pirlo
Got a job at a dating agency.
He just missed setting people up.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Jack Johnson
Wrote another
Surfer love-song
Filled with As and Es
A D and a few Cs.
It was gross,
In the year 2019.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Andrea Corr
Opened the door
To see the other three Corrs.
“Come in!” they sang
Before the amps went BANG
And they fell right through floor.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Pierce Brosnan
Would often spell his name
Pierce Br007nan,
Just to break the tension.

© Carl Burkitt 2019