“Post Malone!”
The bullies yelled
As they slapped
A second class stamp
On Post Malone’s head
And shoved him into a post box.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Sebastian Vettel
Drank some Dettol
The morning of an F1 race.
He collapsed in his room
Blew up like a balloon
And couldn’t get his helmet over his face.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Lindsay Lohan
Was never a fan
Of being too early to things.
It made her feel all embarrassed.
Likewise, Lindsay Lohan
Was never a fan
Of being too late.
It made her feel all rude.
That’s why she always
Put the bins out
In the middle of the week
When collection day was Sunday,
If you’re wondering.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Liv Tyler’s Rottweiler
Ran off with an airline pilot.
(In a romantic way.)
It was all over the news.
The bloke was given 3 years in prison
And the poor mutt was devastated.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Michael Phelps
Did a yelp,
Because…
Something about whelks.
I dunno.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Bret McKenzie
Had a tendency to exaggerate.
He’d tell lies
Out of all six of his mouths.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Elon Musk
Had a sort of…
Stink
To him.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Nick Offerman
Woke up in Otterland.
A world where couples held hands,
Stayed together forever
And had tails.
Weirdos.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ricky Gervais
Smothered mayonnaise
All over his face
And then did his famous dance
As he cried for days and days.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Lionel Messi
Forgot his addressi
And was late home
For his Monday spaghetti.

© Carl Burkitt 2019