Martin Sheen’s spleen
Exploded.
Poor bastard.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

DJ Jonas Blue
Realised his initials, JB,
Rhymed with his job title DJ.
Only if you said them backwards, of course.
BJ.
DJ.
DJ Jonas Blue
Changed his name to BJ DJ
And was THRILLED when the clever rhyming name
Saw his ticket sales soar.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Director Sam Mendes
Disliked when his friend said
Stuff like: “I really enjoyed Road to Perdition.”

“No you didn’t!”
Mendes would cry. “Shut up!”

Which was a shame,
Because his mate LOVED
Road to Perdition.
He really did.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Retired striker Paulo Wanchope
Always ate two chops,
Just to spite his parents.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Lisa Kudrow
Got herself a cat.
And guess what….
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
It sure was.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Formula One driver Fernando Alonso
Loved saying “I’m gonzo!”
When leaving a pit stop.
He’d say before going to sleep too.
And leaving any shop.
He’d say it when getting off a bus
And when he reaching peak drunkenness.
He promised all his mates
He’d say it if he was ever sent to prison
As the court guards dragged him to his cell.
He couldn’t wait!

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Cher Lloyd
Was bored
So started talking
Like an old New Yorker.
“I’m boyd!”
Yelled Cher Lloyd.
“Proper fuckin’ boyd.”

© Carl Burkitt 2019

WWE’s Triple H
Wrestled not single, not double,
But triple snakes.
They kept on biting
Until triple late
And in the morning
He triple ached.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Mick Jagger
Wouldn’t stop shaking his hips.
The sound of his femur
Rattling around in his pelvis
Inspired a Keith Richards riff
And they shot back to Number 1
With “Ode to My Bone.”

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Actor James Lafferty
Caught himself in the mirror
And thought
‘I recognise you, but from what?’
Then he realised,
It was from that photo
Of him in the hallway.

© Carl Burkitt 2019