John Slattery
Enjoyed flattery.
I have to say,
He was very good
At receiving it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Pete Sampras
Bought a thousand rats
And a thousand cats
And collapsed on his back
Screaming: “Game, set and match!”
(Poor Pete hadn’t slept
For three weeks.)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Viola Davis
Gave friends bread
And said: “I made this!”
The dough was so raw,
Her mates puked on the floor
And said: “Viola, your loaf is a mess.”

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Charlie Dimmock
Had no time for that
Alan Titchmarsh pillock.
She called him “Titmarsh”
To both his face and his DMs.

She also liked calling that
Tommy Walsh fella
“Tommy Dick”.
It made no sense
But she didn’t care less.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Eric Bana
Ate a banana.
He preferred them
Over apples.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

The Edge
Hated his name
So changed it to The Middle
But he thought it sounded average
So he changed it to The Bottom
But he got funny looks
So he changed it to The Top
But he thought it sounded braggy
So he changed it to Bono
Which didn’t go down well
So he changed it back to The Edge
But pronounced it Theedge.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

David Duchovny
Hated two cockneys.
It’s a long story why,
One not for tonight,
But it’s about his ex
And some files she kept…

© Carl Burkitt 2019

When Geri Horner
Got a cold
She’d say:
“I don’t feel Halliwell.”
It was kind of gibberish
But also kind of made sense.
Either way, it made her feel better.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Reid Hoffman,
Co-founder of LinkedIn,
Got a new job.
No one congratulated him.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Billy Bob Thornton
Popped some shorts on
And went for a run.
It started off real fun
But he took a wrong turn
And it soon bloody hurt
Around mile 51,
Little did he know
He was only halfway done.

© Carl Burkitt 2019