Whoopi Goldberg
Was thinking of a word.
It was a good word.
A funny word.
An absurd word.
A very, very rude word.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Neil Young
Only ate frozen fish.
He liked saving
His cash, you see.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Demi Moore liked to score
Overhead kicks.
The opportunity to do so
Was incredibly rare,
But my word when they came up
She twatted them
Straight in the top corner.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Hugh Bonneville
Built himself a butler
Out of papier-mâché.
He called it Alfred Glueington
And kissed him every day.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

‘God I’m old,’ thought Sisqó
After singing about
His salad tongs.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Gordon Ramsay made some soup.
First he boiled up a few
Leeks and potatoes
Then mushed it all up
With a vegetable stock.
After 45 minutes
He yelled his insecurities
(And a pinch of salt and pepper)
Into the thick, IDIOT broth.
It tasted like UTTER DOG SHIT
And he FUCKING LOVED IT.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Lorde was bored.
She looked in the mirror
And said: “I’m BLorde,”
In the hope it would cheer her up.
It didn’t.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Ethan Hawke
Married a hawk.
I ain’t lying,
He married a goddamn
Bloody hawk.
It was wild
But didn’t interfere
In his career at all.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Sam Rockwell
Was a mega fan
Of the cherry Bakewell.
He particularly loved the jam
And the frangipane.
You could say he was
A jam and frangipane man!
But no-one dared as
He demanded to be known as
Leader of the Bakewell Faithful.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Sean Combs, believe it or not,
Collected garden gnomes.
The cheap kind.
Do you know what I mean?
The dirt cheap kind that faded immediately
When the sun first kissed them.
The kind that cracked in winter frost.
The kind that had dead eyes.
Some believe Sean Combs
Collected cheap garden gnomes
Because he connected with
The deep-rooted melancholy they projected.
Others think it was because
He was tight-fisted Scrooge.

© Carl Burkitt 2019