Spain vs Netherlands (Group B)

Cornwall. 13th June 2014. 19.45pm – 15 minutes before kick off.

Hazel, 94, finishes tidying up the nachos and fajita mess from the day’s earlier game, pops on her Dutch clogs and sits on the sofa, excited to watch her Bowls Club sweepstake pick play reigning champions Spain.

Hazel hears the front door shut before Barbara, 96, enters the lounge with a 20-something, olive-skinned, dark-haired, muscly male. Hazel looks at her friend, confused.

BARBARA: Hazel, meet my young lover Miguel.

HAZEL: …

BARBARA: We met yesterday. I arrived outside our home after a dreadful game of bowls, my left hip in agony, and there, all skin and meat, I saw Miguel, his biceps glowing in sunshine; his smile lighting up our street; his eyes fixed on me. My knees trembled and my heart danced as I felt something I hadn’t felt for decades: Lust. With a capital L. I’m telling you, the afternoon was like a dream. A filthy, grubby dream. Miguel clutched me by the arm, dragged me in the house and had his wicked way with me. Rough, but gentle, his hands were everywhere, inside and out. Oh Hazel, he did things to me I never knew were possible.

HAZEL: wh…huh?

MIGUEL: (Pause) My name’s Michael, I’m Barbara’s new nurse-

BARBARA: SILENCE, MIGUEL! SILENCE!

MIGUEL: And I’m here to change her catheter, aren’t I Barbara?

BARBARA: Fine

MIGUEL: OK

BARBARA: (Pause) But look me deep in the eye whilst you’re doing it.

© Carl Burkitt 2014

Mexico vs Cameroon (Group A)

Cornwall. 13th June 2014. 17.10pm – 10 minutes after kick off.

Hazel, 94, prods the arm of her sleeping buddy Barbara, 96, next to her on the sofa. Barbara’s eyes slowly open and fix themselves on the game. Barbara yawns.

BARBARA: Who’s this?

HAZEL: Mexico Vs Cameroon

BARBARA: Cameron?

HAZEL: Cameroon

BARBARA: Cameron?

HAZEL: Cameroon

BARBARA: Cameron?

HAZEL: Cameroon, dear.

BARBARA: Cameron?

HAZEL: Cameroon

BARBARA: Cameron?

HAZEL: CAMEROOOOON!

BARBARA: Cameroon… Who are they playing?

HAZEL: Mexico

BARBARA: And when’s Cameron coming over?

© Carl Burkitt 2014

Brazil vs Croatia (Group A)

Cornwall. 12th June 2014. 20.55pm – Five minutes before kick off.

Hazel, 94, places a bowl of Brazil nuts on the coffee table in anticipation for the opening game of the World Cup 2014, her Samba headdress knocking on the grey, low-hanging light shade. Hazel lifts her flowing, multi-coloured dress, cursing their 48-year-long World Cup tradition, and sits on the dusty, faded floral sofa, waiting for Barbara.

The stair lift finally finishes its creaking descent as Barbara, 96, hops out of the seat and skips to the lounge, flapping her arms and squawking like a bird.

Hazel turns to her friend of 50 years, staring somewhat bemused at the 800 black feathers stapled to four-foot long wing-shaped pieces cardboard attached to her arms, and the Chinese straw Cooli hat sat on her head.

Barbara bows and sits beside her friend.

HAZEL: What’s with the outfit?

BARBARA: My team.

HAZEL: Hmm…?

BARBARA: Crow Asia.

HAZEL: …For fuck’s sake

© Carl Burkitt 2014