The daffodils arrive
like a herd of harmless lions,
daytime stars balancing
on alien-green fingers. 

The daffodils arrive
like a butter-trumpet orchestra,
a set of cheesy lips
puckering up for a kiss.

The daffodils arrive
like chicks playing musical statues,
yawning tennis balls,
a family of whistling canaries.

The daffodils arrive
like silent fireworks,
golden full stops
on the dark afternoons.

Carl Burkitt 2025

I did all my crying privately.
I can certainly cry at funerals
but, at the end of the day,
he’s gone, she’s gone, they’ve gone,
she’s gone, they’ve gone, he’s gone,
and today the sun is out
and I’m here with you
and half a pint of Bonnington’s Best.
How do you feel about your death?
I’ll be much sadder than you when you die
so let’s keep drinking.
Of course I don’t want to die.

Carl Burkitt 2025

this goes out to the early-wormers
the concrete-walkers
the toast-in-your-molars
the uniform-wearers
the running-laters
the personality-jugglers
the world-is-too-muchers
the wish-your-skin-wasn’t-realers
the relentless-bad-news-receivers
the what’s-the-pointers
the how-do-you-keep-goingers
the smells-like-giving-uppers
the blah-blah-blahers
the the-the-the-ers

Carl Burkitt 2025

I think about sadness
and the way it fills the space
in a day like water. Life rafts exist –
in morning Lego builds,
the way you watch sunflowers,
how you notice the shape of buttercups,
a bumble bee straw in fresh apple juice,
a pub landlord knowing your name,
train spotting,
teaching you how to spell ‘train spotting’,
your confidence
that you are the fastest runner on Earth –
but how do I swim to them
when my feet and hands are tied?

Carl Burkitt 2025

[DEAN is reading a MARY BERRY cookbook.]

DEAN: Wow. This kind looking lady can cook!

[Curtain]

[Whoops, forgot to say that Dean stole the book from an Oxfam bookshop and gunpoint, so just be wary of the guy.]

Carl Burkitt 2025

[JERRY climbs a tree. Yippee!]

[Jerry falls off the tree. Ouchie!]

[Jerry’s funeral is tomorrow. Goodie!]

[Curtain]

Carl Burkitt 2025

[MINK and FLORG are on a blind date.]

MINK: Hi, Florg.

FLORG: It’s pronounced Florg.

MINK: Florg.

FLORG: Florg.

MINK: Florg?

FLORG: That’s it! Well done, Mink.

MINK: It’s pronounced Greg.

[Curtain]

Carl Burkitt 2025

[REGINALD is on the toilet. He reaches for the toilet roll.]

REGINALD: Uh oh.

[Yep, no toilet roll.]

REGINALD: No toilet roll.

[Told ya.]

[Reginald decides to reach for *&%$£$ and shove it £$£%^&^ and wipe the &^*^$$ and ends up with *&^&%$% and then $£%$%&&.]

[Curtain]

Carl Burkitt 2025

but you gave me an iced gem after school today
so I could remember what they taste like because,
“This morning, Daddy, you told me
you haven’t had one since you were little”
and all I thought of was the thousands of pounds
I’ve spent on therapy just to be seen.

Carl Burkitt 2025

Your innocence passed its MOT again.
The mechanic used the word ‘perfect’, in fact.
For another year we will not need to worry
about your imagination working or the speed
of your acceleration from bored to excited.
I look at your eyes and cannot picture the light
dimming, or the rounded strength of your shoulders
dipping. The mechanic told us to look out for signs
of pulling away too soon, your handbrake locking,
or the unexpected rust of anxiety setting in.
So we promise to examine that during scrub downs
and remind you of the power that lies in your engine.

Carl Burkitt 2025