Paul Giamatti
Felt a bit farty,

So popped some paint in his pants
To make the toots look all arty.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Mark Wahlberg
Hit an iceberg
Whilst sailing in the dark.

He cried:
“This is lame,
I hate my name,
It’d never have happened
If I’d stayed Marky Mark.”

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Angelina Jolie
Turned off her TV
And decided to go see the sea,
In 3D.

So she bought a ticket to a
Screening of The Beach
At a local hip, cool cinema.
It was 2D, unfortunately,
But she wore 3D glasses anyway.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Rafa Nadal
Bought a cow
In the search for something to do.

He served it brunch,
Then served it lunch
And taught it how to moo.

He laughed: “You’re ace!”
Right in its face
And kissed it whenever he felt blue.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Wentworth Miller
Went to dinner
Alone to catch a break.

As played on his phone,
He let out a moan,
And longed for his friends’ ear ache.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Morgan Freeman
Had the day free
So planted a tree, man.
He learnt to ski, man.
He swam in the sea
And ate an ice cream, man.
He cut a key, man.
He threw a Frisbee, man.
He drank some tea,
Had a wee,
Shaved his goatee,
And finally caught up on some sleep, man.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Clint Eastwood
Took off his hood
And let the rain hit his head.

He danced around,
Ate mud off the ground
And slept in a puddle
Instead of his bed.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Steven Gerrard
Thought books were hard.
Not hard as in hard,
Hard as in ‘ard.
Tough. Buff.
You know,
Double ‘ard.
He said:
“I read every day,
It beats exercise in every way.
When books and words are long
They make you strong.
They fill your brain with thoughts
That no muscle can thwart.”
He picked up the nearest book
And smashed his skull with it.
“See,” he said.
“Didn’t even hurt me.”

© Carl Burkitt 2018