Half a dozen geese were laying by the campus lake. They seemed to be asleep or minding their own business, but the student couldn’t be sure, so rather than simply walking passed them to get to class, she decided to quit university, move back home and never even mentioned the name of that horrible city ever again.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

He didn’t know why, but Billy desperately wanted to set up a swimming race for the swans in his village.

He spent all of his pocket money on hiring out the local swimming baths, recruited the strongest seven swans he could find and knitted them all tiny little swimming caps.

When the day finally came, he was so excited.

But when the race started, he was so disappointed.

It turns out the swans reacted poorly to the chlorine level in the water. They all started screaming and attacking each other and eventually every single one of them drowned.

“Guess we’ll call it a draw then,” said Billy, kicking the ground.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

I was at a wedding not too long ago and there were some ladies on the dancefloor. At a quick glance I’d say there was nine of them. Perhaps more. But no matter how many of them there were, it’s safe to say those ladies absolutely loved dancing.

They were throwing shapes I’d never seen before! Knees were hitting ears, elbows were smashing on the floor, stomachs were smacking stomachs, backs were arching backwards, forward rolls turned into headstands, it was remarkable.

If I’m being completely I was a little embarrassed, but that was only because it was day time, there was no music and at that moment the dance floor was being used to host the wedding ceremony, but once I got my head round all that it was impossible not to join those infectious nine ladies dancing.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

“One, two, three, go!”

The ten Lords leapt into the River Thames as Alan Sugar laughed his head off.

“Can’t believe you fell for that!” he said, pointing his horrible little finger.

© Carl Burkitt 2018