Cornwall. 21st June 2014. 20.15pm – 15 minutes after kick off.

Hazel, 94, and Barbara, 96, are sat on the sofa watching the Germany vs Ghana game.

Barbara lifts up her skirt slightly to itch her thigh. Hazel spots a big graze on Barbara’s knee.

HAZEL: Oh dear, Barbara, what happened?!

BARBARA: Oh, that?

Barbara reveals her other knee, covered in sores.

BARBARA: Was doing Klinsmanns earlier.

HAZEL: Blimey, that’s a bit dangerous. Where?

BARBARA: On the floor.

HAZEL: Here?

BARBARA: Nah, next door. Those Klinsmann boys love taking their turns on me…

Barbara winks.

BARBARA: On all fours…

HAZEL: (Pause) You slipped in the bath again, didn’t you?

BARBAA: Yep, arse over tit.

© Carl Burkitt 2014