Michael Micky Michael is a confusing old man,
He’s tough to describe but let’s see if I can:
He feels sorry for his uncle, who’s bullied by his mother,
Then he’ll spend every Sunday, punching his own brother.
He’s been an ambassador for Crufts for nigh on 10 years,
But sells dodgy dog fur and pints of puppy tears.
He has a sexy young wife who was born in France,
Yet he fellates his best mate, a plumber called Lance.
He tells his kids to “get an honest job”,
But he didn’t go to school and he kills for the mob.
He’s a God fearing man and preaches to the choir,
Yet he touches young boys screaming: ‘Hate and hell fire!’
Now I know he sounds mean,
That I’m sure you’ll agree,
But I can’t knock the bloke,
He’s just so sweet to me.
© Carl Burkitt 2013