Charlotte Church
Perched in a birch
For research.
Her conclusion:
It’s tough work
To perch in a birch
(Shit branches, innit).
© Carl Burkitt 2020
Charlotte Church
Perched in a birch
For research.
Her conclusion:
It’s tough work
To perch in a birch
(Shit branches, innit).
© Carl Burkitt 2020
I sometimes feel like I’m a teabag
in a cup of hot water.
If you let me sit for a while
you’ll see the best me.
Leave me too long, I go a bit cold.
I can’t quite fit inside a microwave,
but two warm hands often do the trick.
© Carl Burkitt 2020
Trevor Noah
Loved his feather boa.
He used it to tickle
His bits down belowa.
© Carl Burkitt 2020
Walls have so much power.
Without them we’d realise the ridiculousness
of the fact, once a day, on average, most people
have a shit mere inches away
from a colleague / stranger / boss / potential friend.
When I’m in a hotel I smile at how many people
are definitely having sex above, below and next to me.
And then I don’t sleep thinking about the likelihood
of being adjacent to a murder.
If walls could talk, I don’t think they would,
like a toddler who’s seen so much
they don’t know where to start.
© Carl Burkitt 2020
Ray Winstone
Loved dim sum.
He’d shoved 12 in his gob
And say “gflarg-jjlimp-hrum.”
© Carl Burkitt 2020
I have blobs on my skin that have no pigment,
mainly on my hands and a few dots
up my arms and legs.
My limbs are like a painter’s palette,
if the painter only painted
rented accommodation in magnolia,
or the occasional ivory when feeling fancy.
There’s one paper white patch
around my right eye slowly growing bigger.
I’m half a panda from Opposite Land.
A negative pirate.
© Carl Burkitt 2020
Yoko Ono
Ate 6,000 Polos.
“YOLO!” she bellowed
Puking on her pillows.
© Carl Burkitt 2020
My belt is cow leather, as is my wallet.
I got them before becoming a vegetarian.
Throwing them away feels like
binning a ham sandwich made by a forgetful Nan.
I’ve never worn fox fur scarves,
leopard patterned trousers or snake skin shoes.
I struggle enough wearing my own skin.
If someone peeled off my top layer,
I’d make a pretty good waterproof dressing gown
for an average sized person looking
for a bloody hug.
© Carl Burkitt 2020
1. Ta Ta For Now, Tartare For Later
2. You Say Goodbye, I Say Goodbye
3. Kat Slater
4. B-Adios
5. Bore-Revoir
6. Uncheerio
7. Grave Wave
8. Seizure Later
9. Drowning Not Waving
10. Blubeye
11. Sigh-Onara
12. All The Best (People Leave Me)
13. Piss Auf Wiedersehen
© Carl Burkitt 2020