I t ’ s e v e r y w h e r e
s p r e a d i n g l i k e a
u n i c o r n ’ s s n e e z e
a s p i d e r w e b g r e n a d e
t h e s p i t o f a d i s c o
b a l l i f a d i s c o b a l l
c o u l d s p i t .
I t ’ s e v e r y w h e r e .

Carl Burkitt 2024

I never liked mince pies.
Dandruff covered pastry shoulders.
How an older person might taste
if they were food.
Brandy butter is a metaphor
for society having too much time on its hands.
I eat mince pies because
a lecturer at university bought loads of boxes
for our final December seminar
but only three of us showed up.
My student loan had run out
so I took them all back to my flat
and ate them for six meals in a row.
I like mince pies.
I eat mince pies when I want to feel
nearer to my family.

Carl Burkitt 2024

Miniature Grinch fingers
claw their way into toes,
under nails, deep beneath
the skin of a morning’s promise.
They say don’t sweat
the small stuff. They say
little things make a big difference.
I had a nightmare that I was
reincarnated as a hoover
in December. I woke up
with a throat
like an inside out hedgehog
and an urge to be useful.

Carl Burkitt 2024

It hits
like someone saying
“can you believe it’s December already?”
Two days ago
we were eating apples and Quavers
for a snack. Today we’re eating
a box of Waitrose Cinnamon Knots
in a line on the sofa
opposite our freshly decorated tree
shivering in delight that
it’s December, finally.

Carl Burkitt 2024

They are walking sticks
for jazzy-minded blind mice.
They are sugary hooks
for dragging panto actors off stage.
They are stripy elephant tusks
or branches of forests
in a world I wouldn’t mind living in.
They are definitely not
good Christmas tree decorations
when you take the plastic off
and hang them next to warm lights.

Carl Burkitt 2024

My brother-in-law understands water,
he has a saw to open up the truth of a problem.
My father-in-law’s patience for surprise drips
with a steady, unbroken stream,
into a seemingly unfillable bucket.
This morning they have plans to fix the world.
I have been hired to write poems for strangers,
to swallow their entire lives in five minutes,
set fire to their emotions, make them feel seen,
all while men fix a leak in my kitchen ceiling,
men I’ve only ever signed birthday cards to.

Carl Burkitt 2024

With you, I am a professional wrestler
walking into rooms with my own theme.
The ramp down to the ring
is an escalator for my light toes to float on.
The crowd want me to do well.
My chest is the size of an elephant
and I know all the right moves.
With you, I am a professional wrestler
showing off, comfortable behind a mic,
happy to tag you in to show me
how it’s really done.

Carl Burkitt 2024

The kitchen shop at the end of our road has closed for business. I guess everyone already has a kitchen. It’s autumn and I am standing in the kitchen of a house we’ve owned for two weeks. I guess the previous owners had no space in their car to take it when they left. Either that or the new build they moved to already has a kitchen. I’m preparing some broccoli to roast in the oven and I can see fingerprints on the handle that don’t belong to me or my wife or our son. It’s nice to have a hand when cooking. I’m not someone who needs to be alone in a kitchen, but I need to hear the water boiling of the tick tick of a gas hob telling me it’s ready. I’ve never owned a kitchen before. The boiler didn’t say hello when we moved in, but my wife and I nodded at the fact it’s not hidden in a cupboard and discussed future layouts of units like we are grownups.

Carl Burkitt 2024

Not a single person in this pub has noticed
I am wearing a new coat.
Granted, none of them know who I am,
but surely they can sense the confidence of my shoulders,
the freedom of my hips walking with that warmth provides.
Surely they heard the comfort in my voice
when I ordered a hazy pale ale, safe
in the knowledge my underlayers wouldn’t get wet
in the event of a walking-to-the-table-spillage.
“Alright?” asks a T-Shirt stranger.
“More than you’ll ever know,” I don’t say.

Carl Burkitt 2024

Let’s go w…
Eeeeeeeeee
Aaaaaahhhhhhhh
Fuuuuuuuuu
c
k

Carl Burkitt 2024