Jet Li
Bought a Jet Ski,
Purely because of its name.

He couldn’t swim
So sacked it off
And bought a Jet Plane.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Al Pacino
Went to a casino
With all of his little friends.

The staff said hello,
Which made the friends laugh and bellow
And take out their money to spend.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Barbara Streisand
Found a hand
Just lying on her drive.

She screamed:
“Oh shit, who’s hand is this,
And are they still alive?!”

“Oh well,” she said
And picked it up.
“That takes my collection to five.”

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

John Cena
Bought Ribena
And went to his quiet place

He drank too quick
And felt quite sick
But loved the purple smile on his face

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Jack Nicholson
Lay out in the sun
With cream just on his back

He was having fun
Until he burnt his bum
Right deep inside the crack

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

James McAvoy
Ate a saveloy
In a chippy with his mate

He scoffed 12 more
Puked on the floor
And ordered another eight

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Andy Serkis
Went to the circus
And volunteered to try the trapeze

To the delight of his daughter
He was like a duck in water
And glided around with ease

But when he waved to his girl
He fell down to the world
And snapped both of his knees

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

James Franco rented all of his brother Dave’s films.
“God, he’s good,” he said.
“And absolutely gorgeous.”
When he finished the last movie
He realised he hadn’t been watching films starring Dave Franco,
He’d been watching films starring himself.
He laughed at how similar they both looked
And felt slightly less bad about masturbating throughout.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Melissa Joan Hart
Was living in the past.
All day she’d talk to black cats she’d walk by
And at night sit at the window hoping Sam would stop by.
But he didn’t, because he wasn’t real.
And the cats would always scratch her whenever she would kneel.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.

Sean Bean had a window to clean,
So he bought a sponge and some Mr Sheen.
He started to scrub, but the stain wouldn’t budge,
So he punched it.
And punched it.
And punched it.
And punched it.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

This poem is part of a challenge for National Poetry Writing Month 2018 – a daily poem for a celebrity’s birthday.