Lou Ferrigno
Went to bingo
And didn’t win a thing.
He didn’t mind though,
‘Cos his arms were still fucking massive.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Tara Reid
Watched the film Speed
On a portable device
While on a bus.
She wasn’t up to much these days
But still hunted down thrills
Wherever she could.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Morgan Spurlock
Watched Sherlock
And laughed,
The WHOLE time,
That their names were similar.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Emma Stone
Answered her phone.
It was Gosling
(Again!)
Asking to hang out,
So she made up more excuses
Until his phone credit ran out.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Art Garfunkel
Bought a turtle.
He named it Al
And cried.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Matthew McConaughey
Loved a bloody motorway.
He’d drive this way and that way
All the God damn McConaughday.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Dolph Lundgren’s chin
Grew to be bigger than him.
It cost a shit tonne in razors.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

David Schwimmer
Cooked some dinner
And invited none of his friends.
It was nice.
It was peaceful.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Toni Collette
Bought Gillette shaving foam
And sprayed on a white beard
To pretend to be a gnome.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Peter Jackson
Fancied relaxin
So took himself to the beach.
He stretched his legs
And played in the sand
And had a really lovely time
Until he popped on a rubber arm band
To go for a swim
And some prick screamed:
“My precious” from a nearby deck chair.

© Carl Burkitt 2018