Jude Law
Broke his jaw.
Which was sad,
Because it was a beautiful jaw.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

When stuck for icebreakers at parties,
John Legend would tell strangers
His middle name was The.
When in actual fact it was
A Coke, Large Fries And A Chicken.
To be honest, I’d have led with that.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Wrestler Bill Goldberg
Stood on a dog turd.
He considered giving the dirty pooch
His finishing move, the Jackhammer,
But instead wiped his foot on the grass
And went back to his life of glamour.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Jared Leto
Completed his LEGO
And was bored with nothing to do.
He almost went to bed
But polished his Oscar instead
And the vain bugger
Was instantly less blue.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Annie Lennox
Didn’t win her Christmas cracker
So knocked her mate out.
Sweet dreams,
She said.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Ricky Martin
Couldn’t stop fartin’
From all the Christmas sprouts
And sage and onion stuffin’.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Eddie Vedder
Had some cheddar.
That was all.
He loved it.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Noël this, Noël that,
Noël here, Noël there,
Noel Edmonds
Really enjoyed Christmas.
He felt so special.
So celebrated.
So loved.
For a change.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Kiefer Sutherland
Went to Sunderland
In the hunt for some peace and quiet.
But after a boring first hour
He pretended to be Jack Bauer
And caused a right old north east riot.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

French footballer Kylian Mbappé
Bought a service station bacon Mbappé
Before angrily folding up his A-Z Mmappé
And taking a long backseat Mnappé

© Carl Burkitt 2018