Ashton Kutcher
Teased a butcher
By calling him
“meat head”.
The butcher didn’t mind,
He thought it was fine,
Because he had
A joint of beef for a head.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Rick Astley
Scoffed a French Fancy
Thinking it was a Cornish Pasty.
“Beautiful!” he said
And sipped his black tea
Which was in fact
A blue Slush Puppie.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Michael Sheen
Built a time machine
And travelled back to the creative meeting
Where those bastards named that bloody
Multi Surface Polish brand.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Alice Cooper
Was a party pooper
And stuffed party poppers
With blood and flesh and hair.
When he let them off
Covering the crowd in one shot,
They cheered and genuinely didn’t care.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Isla Fisher
Buys a dishwasher
Every.
Single.
Bloody.
Day.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Shakira didn’t hear
Her sister calling
So she missed her.
(It didn’t matter,
She only wanted a catch up.
Nothing serious.)

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Harry Styles
Had a smile for miles.
Well wouldn’t you
After clearing your piles?

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Justin Timberlake
Threw some timber into a lake.
He thought it was a snake.
He bloody hated snakes.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Christian Bale
Punched a whale.
Right in the gob.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Oprah Winfrey
Changed her name
To Opera Winfrey.
Haha.
She loved the chance
To be a little silly.

© Carl Burkitt 2019