Elizabeth Moss,
That one from Mad Men,
Laid on a rock.
It cheered her up without fail.
It cheered her up
More than Handmaid’s Tale.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Woody Harrelson
Started calling his wife “Bo Peep”
And his best mate “Buzz”.
They humoured him to keep him happy,
But when he tore his dog in half
And screamed “SLINKY”,
They had to have a word.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Willem Dafoe
Had to go to the loo
So did so with reckless abandon.
It was quite the performance.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Carlos Santana
Turned a banana
Into a guitar.
Don’t ask me specifics,
Just know that
It was amazing.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Brian May
Legally changed
His name
To ‘Queen’.

It was only
A matter of time.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Kristen Bell thought
‘What the hell!’
And moved the r
From before the i
To after it.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Angela Merkel
Bought a turtle
And called it
“I’m too busy to name a bloody pet”
Which, while accurate,
Was a bit hurtful.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Gareth Bale
Enjoyed being from Wales
And loved saying stuff like:
“I’m Gareth Bale from Wales.”
Or “I’m from Wales, I’m Gareth Bale.”
Or “I’m Gareth Wales from Bale.”
Or “I’m Welsh, call me Gareth Belsh.”
Gareth Bale
Really enjoyed being from Wales.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Scott Foley,
You know, that bloke
Whose first role was in Sweet Valley High
And whose breakthrough performance
Was in Felicity as Noel Crane
And had recurring guest appearances in
Scrubs and Dawson’s Creek and was nominated for a
Teen Choice Award for Choice Movie Villain
For his role in Scream 3
And appeared in both Grey’s Anatomy and House
Then Scandal, which led to a place on the regular cast,
Then became the lead in ABC’s drama Whiskey Cavalier
And even transitioned into directing.
Yeah? You know him? Scott Foley.
He shat himself.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Conor McGregor
Was under the weather,
But determined to beat his cold.
He strapped on his fighting boots,
His punching gloves
And smashed in his clogged up nose.

© Carl Burkitt 2019