Dwight Yorke
Would often talk
To his fork.
He once thought it replied
After eating some dodgy pork.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Nelly turned his telly on.
He had his wellies on.
It was a difficult day.
I don’t know what to say.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Anthony Kiedis
Said: “I can’t read this”
So put it down,
Whatever it was.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Vanilla Ice
Made a nice, tiny snowman.
He wrapped it up in a blanket,
Tucked it in a pram
And went shopping.

“Ha,” a fellow shopper said.
“I see what you’ve done there!”

“Thanks,” Vanilla said, proudly.
“It’s my nice, tiny snowman…
Do do do do do do do do.”

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Henry Winkler
Didn’t have a sprinkler
So pulled out his mister
To tinkle on the garden
With an early morning hard-on.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Dan Castellaneta
Got fired from Domino’s
For dropping all the pizza
Dough!

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Joaquin Phoenix
Said to the dealer –
For the umpteenth time –
“54 cards?! I thought
A deck only had 52!”
No-one at the table laughed,
Because it was neither a joke
Nor a clever observation,
But Joaquin was
Dead pleased with himself.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Kelly Osbourne
Slipped on some frogspawn.
“Dad’s diet’s getting out of hand,”
She sighed.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

Hillary Clinton
Took a trip to Clinton Cards,
Just to see what it was all about.
She looked through birthday cards,
Special occasion cards,
Get well and sympathy cards,
A few over-sized balloons,
A couple of candles
And a shelf full of party hats.
She really liked it.
She told all her mates about it
When she got back home.

© Carl Burkitt 2019

David Furnish wasn’t sure whether to

1) Provide (a house or room)
With furniture and fittings,

Or

2) Be a source of; provide. Supply someone
With (something); give (something) to someone,

So he just threw his dictionary away
And ate a lasagne for one.

© Carl Burkitt 2019