Dearest horse,
I love you, of course.
I love your hair that’s coarse
and how you make my throat hoarse
through joy of course,
laughing around our little race course.
I’m not a very good poet, of course,
but I’m a cowboy
and I love my horse so much
I’m going to call myself a horseboy
because I love my horse, of course.
© Carl Burkitt 2018
642 Challenge: “You are a cowboy. Write a poem to your horse.”
I bought a balloon and filled it with helium.
I got a piece of string and tied one end to the balloon and the other to my cactus.
I started masturbating to it.
When my mum stumbled into my room, I managed to put my penis away in time but she was confused about the balloon tied to the cactus.
I told her that my cactus had always wanted to ride a hot air balloon but couldn’t because it was a cactus and might burst the balloon, so I thought I would tie a helium balloon to it so it could briefly live its dream.
She believed me.
Weirdo.
© Carl Burkitt 2018
642 Challenge: “A talking cactus tells you his one dream is to ride in a hot air balloon; but he can’t move from the ground, and he is afraid he will pop the balloon. How do you help him make his dream come true?”
I filled my pockets with kittens. Shorts, trousers, jackets, coats, bags, the lot. I put them in every pocket I own because in case I needed a kitten there would always be one available for me. Because I filled all of my pockets with kittens.
© Carl Burkitt 2018
642 Challenge: “You find a bunch of kittens in a box on the side of the road. They can’t find their mother. What do you do with the kittens?”
I can see in the dark.
Every night I walk around when everyone else is still.
I see the things they choose to ignore as they snore.
I can see in the dark.
I don’t like everything I see, but it’s just for me.
So I walk around in the dark as much as I can.
© Carl Burkitt 2018
642 Challenge: “You can see in the dark.”
On a warm summer evening
I went out to play in my backyard,
when suddenly I realised
something magical was happening.
All the plants and animals were fucking.
I think.
I’d been drinking.
© Carl Burkitt 2018
642 Challenge: “On a warm summer evening I went out to play in my backyard, when suddenly I realised something magical was happening. All the plants and animals were…”
I am a light bulb. When you turn me on I think you look lovely. When you turn me off, I just think about the next time you’ll turn me on. I can’t wait until I die and I feel you again. I hope I don’t hurt you.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
642 Challenge: “Write a story through the eyes of an inanimate object.”
Benedict was the best tightrope walker in the world. He’d done it all. He’d walked from one side of the Grand Canyon to the other; down the length of the entire River Thames and up Mount Everest (Somehow). But he was bored. He had no challenge to complete, so he thought he’d attempt the impossible: a tightrope walk with no tightrope.
Benedict climbed to the top of his block of flats, gazed out at the London skyline, took one step off the edge and fell to his death. Obviously.
© Carl Burkitt 2016
642 Challenge: “Write about a tightrope walker who falls.”
Janet woke up
surrounded by hot lava.
‘Great,’ she sighed,
‘Yet another bone to pick with Brian.’
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “You are surrounded by hot lava. What happened next?”
If I could snap my fingers
And live a day as any historical figure
I’d be you
And refuse to walk down the aisle.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “For one day you can snap your fingers and live that day as any historical figure. Who will you choose?”
If I was a bug stuck underground
for 1,000,000,000,000 years
I’d think about you
until I was free.
I’d think about your legs
and how I would climb up them.
I’d think about your eyes
and how I’d force my way through them.
I’d think about your brain
and how I’d redecorate your thoughts
to make it my home.
© Carl Burkitt 2015
642 Challenge: “If you were a bug and you were stuck underground for 1,000,000,000,000 years, what would you do until you got it?”
Carl tells tales 