We are peacocking in the gym changing rooms
about our bad backs. You say you couldn’t bend
down to put your socks on this morning.
I say I couldn’t even get out of bed this morning.
You say you didn’t even get out of bed this morning
and this conversation is actually a dream.
I say it’s not even a real dream, it’s a dream
inside a poem and you’re not even real.
You say that explains the square, stubbled jaw
on your skull and the fact you are still alive.

Carl Burkitt 2024

Erling Haaland boinked his head
on the tyre of an obstacle course
and is telling everyone about his dog
that does not exist.
The coach says he’ll be fine
after a Friday off in his own home;
a chance to play with his own toys
and imaginary wagging tail.

Carl Burkitt 2024

The charity worker is standing
alone behind a branded lectern-looking stall.
His purple waterproof jacket is zipped
up to the neck and his lanyard is a frown
encouraging strangers to walk around him
with a wide birth pretending to look
at their phones. Erling Haaland has his arms
out at the side like an airplane. He’s making
the noise of take off, running down the path.
The charity worker softens his knees
and mimics ducking out of the way
of the aircraft. Erling Haaland flies off
the ground and into the clouds.

Carl Burkitt 2024

Erling Haaland is watching a bag of popcorn
rotating inside of a grubby microwave.
He likes the sound of the kernels popping.
POP. POP. POP.
Two minutes is one hour when you’re hungry.
POP. POP. POP.
But it could be a whole day for all he cares.
POP. POP. POP.

Carl Burkitt 2024

The 368 bus
is driving towards us outside our local ASDA.
Erling Haaland points to the front top window
with his violet-gloved finger and says, Cinema bus.
He wants to know when we’ll go again
and I don’t know. He wants to know
if there is another Paw Patrol film on.
I check the cinema’s website
and it’s not good news.
Erling Haaland does not believe in holding back
tears. I ask him if he’d like to go
and buy a packet of football cards. He says,
Maybe we’ll get another Haaland shiny.

Carl Burkitt 2024

Erling Haaland can peel oranges now.
He uses focused fingers to pick the skin
off in chunks the size of a 5 pence coin.
He’s in the back seat of the car.
His eyes are the eyes of a lion
with the power to provide for himself.
He shows me his teeth in the rearview mirror
and roars at the sight of stringy white pith
hanging from one of his claws.

Carl Burkitt 2024

Hozier is singing how it’s true
he saw her hair like the branch of a tree
and I see where he’s coming from
but if look more closely
you would see her hair is not
covered in green leaves or attached
to a thick trunk. It’s true
I saw her hair like the roots of a tree
spreading through my existence
looking to give to life,
to help someone see himself
the way she does.

Carl Burkitt 2024

I’ve been meaning to say this for a while,
the retired Navy man says to the former butcher
leaning next to him on the pub bar,
when your garden is in full bloom, it’s delightful.

Carl Burkitt 2024

They’re talking about saunas.
Hairline likes feeling sweaty.
Flip Flops doesn’t like his chest feeling tight.
Hairline asks Flip Flops how his day was.
Flip Flops says he doesn’t like small saunas.
Hairline asks Flip Flops if he has plans tonight.
Flip Flops says he gets overwhelmed in them,
how the condensation makes him feel like he is
melting or the room is crying because he’s there.
Hairline asks Flip Flops if he wants another beer.

Carl Burkitt 2024

Erling Haaland is wearing white boots
with blue and green Velcro straps.
Whenever he puts his foot on the ground,
three mini lights on the side of them flash brightly.
His top teeth are chewing his bottom lip
and he’s standing in the community hall
with intent. When the coach says run
to a red cone, he sprints to a red cone.
When the coach says stand on one leg
and talk like a pirate, he roars ARRR
loud enough to make the tide go out.
He breaks quickly to rehydrate from a bottle
with illustrated tractors and lorries on it,
then rejoins the queue to smash penalties
into an empty net by the toilet door.
The session ends and Erling Haaland sits
cross-legged on the floorboards. He doesn’t win
the golden sticker today, but he gets a blue one
and asks the coach if I can have one too.

Carl Burkitt 2024