What took you so long, Russell Crowe?
I had visions of meeting over foamy pints
and shouting through drum and bass
in a smoky club we couldn’t remember
who suggested we head to
before giggling over a slippery kebab
on a walk through thick Bournemouth air
on the way to my Uni halls
where we’d put a dusty copy of Gladiator
into my creaking TV/VCR combo
and every time Joaquin Phoenix would appear
on screen you’d shout WHACK and slap my back
and force me to neck a tequila
until I fell asleep to the sound of you
convincing yourself you’d make a good Robin Hood.
But it’s 14 years later and here you are,
sitting in my room asking my 3 month old son
Are you not entertained?
and I don’t know what to do.

© Carl Burkitt 2020