The lollipop lady wrote ‘Go’ on both sides of her stick.
The ice cream man used razor blade sprinkles.
The milkman delivered four pints of PVA glue.
The postwoman shat through the letterbox.
Peppa Pig snapped George’s Trotters.
Tinky-Winky stabbed Po.
Elmo sang F is for Fuck You.
Willy Wonka kicked Charlie Bucket in the cock.
Scooby-Doo ate his own eyes.
I had to peel two plasters off my baby’s thighs.

© Carl Burkitt 2020