Spoke nice

I couldn’t find crispy onions in 10pm Morrisons.
I asked a staff member if they sold crispy onions
and he said What are crispy onions?
I did my best to not be a dick and said
A pot of onions that are crispy.
He snapped, No chance mate, we’re not Waitrose.
So I walked away, nose out of joint,
and thought of a world where we spoke nice,
then he skipped over and said Is this them?!
and I screamed Yes! and floated home to my pregnant wife.

© Carl Burkitt 2020

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