Robert De Niro
Ate a mint chocolate Aero
While looking in his mirror.

He screamed:
“You talking to me?!”
Then ate another two –
And then three –
And didn’t care if his reflection judged him.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Steve Carrell
Rang the bell
One Sunday for his church.

The rope fell off
Then he puked up his guts
Before things only got worse.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Jennifer Lawrence didn’t pay rent
And spent the money on fun things.

At first she bought puppies
And then she bought kittens,

Then she bought sweeties
And then she bought mittens.

Jennifer Lawrence didn’t pay rent
And slept in the park with all her fun things.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Mila Kunis said “I can do this!”
And popped on her Nikes,
Went for a run
Then fell to the ground.

Mila Kunis said “I can do this!”
And picked herself up
But noticed her leg had snapped
Then fell back to the ground.

Mila Kulis said “I can do this!”
And passed out, lying on the ground.

© Carl Burkitt 2018

Alan Shearer couldn’t hear her.
“Her” being the old lady.
The one on the phone called Vera.

“Sorry Vera, I can’t hear ya,”
Said Alan Shearer.

See, I told ya.

© Carl Burkitt 2018