Teacher Dad

INT. DAYTIME. 16th MAY 1985. MRS BRAVERY is lying in a hospital bed with a smile on her face that’s fighting the tiredness of a drawn out labour as MR BRAVERY sits next to her, holding her hand proudly. 

In walks a DOCTOR with a stern face. The doctor nods at them both and stands at the foot of the bed. 

MR BRAVERY: Everything OK do-

DOCTOR: I think you should sit down. 

MR BRAVERY: I am…

DOCTOR: Thank you.

MRS BRAVERY: Is… is something wrong with our son?

DOCTOR: It’s not a boy. 

MR BRAVERY: We have a girl?!

DOCTOR: No.

MRS BRAVERY: Wait, what…?

MR BRAVERY: No, please, don’t say it’s a…

The Doctor nods, gravely.

DOCTOR: Yes. It’s. It’s a Teacher Dad.

MR BRAVERY: GOOD GOD NO!

MRS BRAVERY: Huh? What’s a Teacher D- 

MR BRAVERY: I’ve heard about those monsters! 

MRS BRAVERY: Eh, what is it?

DOCTOR: There IS hope though.

MR BRAVERY: Really? I’ve heard they’re AWFUL. 

DOCTOR: Well there are-
MRS BRAVERY: WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL A TEACHER DAD IS!

MR BRAVERY: Well, darling. I’m sorry but I’ve heard Teacher Dads grow up to be specky little gits. The kind of guys who stay at your place, use your cups to drink out of and leave them around the house without tidying them up. I heard they learn to play stupid instruments, grow peculiar facial hair and have scrawny pathetic arms. I’ve heard they’re annoying with weird accents and can’t hold their alcohol. I…I…

Mr Bravery breaks down in tears as Mrs Bravery consoles him. 

The Doctor clears his throat.

DOCTOR: Yes. That is all true. 

Me and Mrs Bravery look up in fear. 

DOCTOR: However! With a strong upbringing, there are reports of Teacher Dads growing up to be honest, warm and caring men. Men who will do anything for their friends, their family and anyone who needs them. Teacher Dads can grow up to be great at their chosen profession. They can be creative individuals who have the talent to provoke tears and laughter in a single musical performance. Teacher Dads can often display great generosity, assertiveness and ingenuity. They can grow up to be loving husbands, wonderful fathers and friends people will never forget.

Mr and Mrs Bravery look at one another, smile and 30 years later get exactly what they wished for.

© Carl Burkitt 2015


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