Cornwall. 16th June 2014. 19.30pm – Kick off.
Barbara, 96, looks at Hazel, 94, deep in thought.
HAZEL: The Hazelnuts! Yes, that’s it. If I ran a country the football team’s nickname would be the Hazelnuts.
BARBARA: The Hazelnuts…?
BARBARA: That’s so shit! HAHAHAHA!
HAZEL: Shut up!
HAZEL: Fine, go on then, what would your team’s nickname be?
Barbara wipes a tear from her eye.
BARBARA: Hazelnuts, haha, oh my word.
HAZEL: Come on then, I’m listening. What would they be called?
BARBARA: Easy. The Super Eagles. I love eagles and my team would be super.
HAZEL: Nigeria are called the Super Eagles.
BARBARA: OK, well, as my family are part Persian and we’re rather patriotic, I’d called them Team Melli – that stands for The National Team, just so you know.
HAZEL: I do know, because that’s the nickname for Iran.
HAZEL: HA! Not as easy as it looks, is it?!
BARBARA: I’ve got one!
BARBARA: The Retina Flobbers
Barbara laughs as she spits a massive greenie deep into Hazel’s left eye.
© Carl Burkitt 2014